screw you

April, 2009
Volume I, Issue VII

Back Issues

**Next Issue: May 1**

 

 

 

Professor Stewart Pavee Visits The Western, Accepts Award

Stewart Pavee, head of the Department of Study Abroad at The Western™, visited campus after completing a three-week circumnavigation of the planet as lecturer for Global Luxury Tours, Inc.

“Researching 175 countries in such a short time would not have been possible without the skill of our pilots and a well-stocked bar in our private jet,” Pavee told a Tool reporter.

“For some of those smaller places, we would just buzz in real low so I could give a good analysis from both sides of the plane. And after that we’d all have a good stiff one . . . a drink, I mean.”

Pavee plans to establish and direct a new Division of Distance Leadership (DDL) at The Western™.

“Thanks to modern tech-nology I can take care of my pesky teaching, administration, and research duties from 32,000 feet, without interrupting my rigorous travel schedule. Plus, my faculty actually prefer me to be out of the country.”

In acknowledging Pavee’s significant contributions, Caesar Ransdell bestowed upon him the first annual “Carbon Footprint Award.”

Reading from the plaque, Ransdell said “Dr. Pavee, your air travel during FY 08-09 was the equivalent of burning 14,000 tires next a house full of asthmatics. Despite all that travel, you were the instructor of record for more than 1500 student credit hours.”

Ransdell continued, “And on a personal note, let me say that you, sir, are our guiding star and our unbridled spirit.” The President finished by giving Pavee a ceremonial kiss on both cheeks. At a booze-soaked after-party, Pavee asserted “I won’t rest until Study Abroad has paid me to drink a daiquiri on every continent.

 

 

 

blah

 

Smoke up

 

In This Issue:

Professor Stewart Pavee Visits The Western, Accepts Award . . . More >

Parked Cars to be Counted as Students . . . More>

Facebook "10 Random Things About Me" List by Gary Ransdell . . . More>

Also in This Issue . . . More>

Outside WorldIs Jim Bunning Dead? "Don't Ask Don't Tell" Revoked, "You're Gay, You're OK" Instituted . . . More>

Around Campus . . . More>

 

 

The Big Red Tool made no sex jokes this month. Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com. Visit our blog at http://riseoverrunmag.com.

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