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April, 2010
Volume II, Issue 6

Back Issues

 

 

Icelandic Waif Takes Job As New AD

After a battle-royale, cage match, “knock ‘em out” candidate competition between such pop luminaries as Deee-Lite, MC Hammer, and the former members of Men Without Hats, The Western™ has hired Iceland pop sensation Röß Björk as Athletic Director, effective April 1.

”The soaring yet sensitive voice behind ‘Human Behaviour,’ and ‘Jorga’ and Cannes film festival Best Actress award winner [sigh],” emoted President Ransdell. “How could The Western™ pass up such an opportunity?”

“The search committee also found that Björk’s Amish beard and conservative legal views, especially his consistent opposition to legalizing same-sex marriage, make him a fine fit for a morally-upright institution of progressive higher education like ours,” explained University Counsel Deborah Wilkins. Although she was informed that the new Athletic Director was not in fact former Supreme Court nominee and right-wing legal scholar Robert Bork, Barrister Wilkins was no longer paying attention.

Those seeking more information about the discography, movies, and fashion statements of Das Björk may visit his website, http://www.bjork.com.

 

 

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In This Issue:

Draft of Faculty Handbook . . . More >

Icelandic Waif Takes Job . . . More >

¡Feliz Navidad! . . . More >

Health Care Reform Casualties . . . More >

Technology Services to Barcode . . . More >

Coach Taggert Invents . . . More >

SGA Elections . . . More >

News Shorts . . . More >

Bonus Online-Only Story! . . . More >

Born Bjork
The new AD arrives at the annual Red-White game.

 

 

The Big Red Tool isn't sure what to make of Justin Bieber.
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