screw you

December, 2009
Volume II, Issue 3

Back Issues




"Reality Studies Studies" Major Online In January

In a desperate, cloying search for more majors, University College will launch the interdisciplinary “Reality Star Studies” major in spring 2010.

University College Dean Dean with Two First Names® pointed out that post-secondary vocational training is the wave of the future. “In these tough economic times, society demands that institutions of higher learning prepare functionally illiterate youngsters with the remedial skills they need to mediocratically succeed. Our college is uniquely positioned for this effort.”

Data suggest that the new major will attract plenty of students, asserted Robert Cobbert, head of Institutional Research. A recent survey indicates that 43 percent of Kentuckians under the age of 19 believe that they will be hired as the Token Southern Redneck in Season 22 of MTV’s “Real World,” set in former Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry’s Anacostia crack house. The survey also found that nearly 52 percent of white, female The Western™ freshmen expect to be impregnated by Tiger Woods and live off the resulting out-of-court settlement annuity and child support payments.

Core coursework in the major includes PS 488: Advanced Game Theory: Seducing Gay and Closeted-Gay Politicians; BUS 219: The Art of the Wife-Swap Reality Show Deal; WOMN 219: Post-Structuralist Feminist Perspectives: Tila Tequila and Third-Wave Sex-Positivitism.


Cut a hole in your monitor, bring it to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a free small pizza if you buy a large specialty one-topping pizza. Ask for pizza made by the sushi chef.

Coupon, stupid!











Smoke up
Early tests of the “Big Red Tail” colonoscopy machine on Wood Selig reveal interesting results.

In This Issue:

"Reality Star Studies" Major Online In January . . . More >

Coach Taggert Puts the "Tail" Back in Tailgating . . . More>

News Shorts . . . More>

Season Saved By Fourth-Quarter Heroics . . . More>

The Western™ License Plates . . . More>

Do People Talk Like That in Real Life? . . . More>

Also In This Issue . . . More>

Expert Consultants Added to Blue Ribbon Deception Panel . . . More>

Smoke up
Alternative-treatment colonoscopy.


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