screw you

December, 2009
Volume II, Issue 3

Back Issues




Coach Taggert Puts The "Tail" Back In Tailgating

In an attempt to win back disenchanted tailgaters and football fans, new head coach Willy Taggart has announced that The Western™ will now offer free colonoscopies on home-game days.

“We thought it only right that we give back something to our sausage-chomping, hamburger-binging alumni,” explained Wood Selig, who will personally administer the first one hundred examinations.

“We want our fans healthy so they can continue to buy tickets and send in those donations,” he continued.

Spectators can watch the procedures on the stadium’s scoreboard until game time, and at halftime Coach Taggart will award the Big Red Polyp Prize to one lucky fan.


Cut a hole in your monitor, bring it to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a free small pizza if you buy a large specialty one-topping pizza. Ask for pizza made by the sushi chef.

Coupon, stupid!











Smoke up
Early tests of the “Big Red Tail” colonoscopy machine on Wood Selig reveal interesting results.

In This Issue:

"Reality Star Studies" Major Online In January . . . More >

Coach Taggert Puts the "Tail" Back in Tailgating . . . More>

News Shorts . . . More>

Season Saved By Fourth-Quarter Heroics . . . More>

The Western™ License Plates . . . More>

Do People Talk Like That in Real Life? . . . More>

Also In This Issue . . . More>

Expert Consultants Added to Blue Ribbon Deception Panel . . . More>

Smoke up
Alternative-treatment colonoscopy.


The Big Red Tool agrees that sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
Contact us at
. Visit our blog at


Copyright © 2008-2009 The Big Red Tool
If you wish to cancel your subscription to this newsletter, click here.