Coach Taggert Puts The "Tail" Back In Tailgating
In an attempt to win back disenchanted tailgaters and football fans, new head coach Willy Taggart has announced that The Western™ will now offer free colonoscopies on home-game days.
“We thought it only right that we give back something to our sausage-chomping, hamburger-binging alumni,” explained Wood Selig, who will personally administer the first one hundred examinations.
“We want our fans healthy so they can continue to buy tickets and send in those donations,” he continued.
Spectators can watch the procedures on the stadium’s scoreboard until game time, and at halftime Coach Taggart will award the Big Red Polyp Prize to one lucky fan.
Cut a hole in your monitor, bring it to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a free small pizza if you buy a large specialty one-topping pizza. Ask for pizza made by the sushi chef.