Season Saved By Fourth Quarter Heroics
With the game on the line and victory falling out of reach, Arkansas State quarterback Ryan Aplin rallied his team and rocketed a four-yard scoring strike to tight end J.T. Morgan, narrowing The Western’s™ lead to three with five minutes remaining in the game. Senior defensive end Alex Carrington’s dramatic fumble recovery and touchdown vaulted the Red Wolves into the lead with 3:49 remaining and sealed the win.
With the Red Wolves’ comeback triumph, The Big Red Tool’s satire season was saved. “We were really sweating there in the fourth quarter,” exclaimed senior Tool editor Janet “Big Mama” Brockner. “Our whole satire season flashed before our eyes. What the hell would we write about if The Western™ won a game this year?”
“The pluck, determination, and never-say-die spirit of the Red Wolves was an inspiration,” beamed Tool publishing facility bathroom attendant Roseanne Scarmadella. “I can tell you as an eyewitness that the Tool creative staff were crapping themselves at halftime – it was pretty clear to everyone that the satire season was lost. Those toilets are a mess, man.”
Tool staff writers expressed concern for the 2010 season. “Willy Taggart’s ‘must-win attitude’ is a serious concern for us. If they start winning we’re going to have to fall back on poop jokes, or making fun of Humanics.”
Cut a hole in your monitor, bring it to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a free small pizza if you buy a large specialty one-topping pizza. Ask for pizza made by the sushi chef.