screw you

February, 2009
Volume I, Issue VI

Back Issues

**Next Issue: March 15**

 

 

 

Incentives Offered to Increase Cigarette, Alcohol Consumption

 

 

Responding to concerns that the recent tax hike on cigarettes and alcohol will lead to decreased sales, the Kentucky State Legislature has ordered all state universities to “do their part” to ensure that student binge drinking and chain smoking do not decline in the face of higher prices.

“Kentucky needs to play to its strengths as a national leader in lung cancer, alcoholism, and adults with the fewest average number of teeth,” says David Williams, Chair of the Kentucky State Senate.

In order to bolster student alcohol and tobacco consumption, The WesternTM Board of Regents approved a new campaign featuring the slogans, “Smoke, More Smoke!” “Chesterfield, Blow Some My Way!” and “Drinking! Good Luck Getting Laid Without It!”

In line with the new policy, several units on campus will support the new campaign. University College will accept “experiential learning.” Kinesiology will offer “PE 069C: 16 Ounce Curls” and South Campus will offer “DRNK 096C: Dropback Chug-a-Lug.”

 

Smoke up

 

 

 

 

blah

 

In This Issue:

Incentives Offered to Increase Cigarette, Alcohol Consumption . . . More >

Porn Studies Major Considered by Board of Regents . . .More>

Ask Gabibbo: The Big Red Tool Responds to Reader Letters . . .More>

Around Campus: Image of President Ransdell Spotted in Fresh Foods Cheese Pizza, Beans; Rabbit Sculpture Draws Ire of Local REligious Group; Teh Western to Add New "HAll of Fame" to Academic, Athletics Hall of Fame . . .More>

Outside WorldBarney Frank Solves U.S. Financial Crisis . . .More>

The Best Entries from Our "Name That Sculpture Contest . . .More>

 

 

The Big Red Tool had carnal relations with every Jonas brother. At the same time. Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com. Visit our blogs at http://bigredtool.blogspot.com and at http://riseoverrunmag.com

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