screw you

February 2009
Volume I, Issue VI

Back Issues

**Next Issue: March 15**

 

 

Porn Studies Major Considered by Board of Regents

 

With the economy in deep recession and joblessness on the rise, The Western’s™ educators are hoping that the new interdisciplinary Porn Studies major will prepare job-hungry graduates for work in a growth industry.

“Although porn is morally reprehensible, vile, and degrading—let’s face it, we need the tuition money,” pointed out the new Assistant Dean of Porn Studies, Linda Funkenstein.

The new major will be housed in the University College, which is hiring specialist faculty to “staff” the major.

Bowling Green local Lisa Sparxxx will provide consulting services to the Provost’s office.  Sparxxx, a UK graduate and industry veteran, also holds the world speed record for sexual intercourse – 916 men in a 24-hour period. Provost Barbara Burch commented that she “is optimistic that the new program will explode like . . . well, let’s say just that I believe that the program will succeed.”

“The porn industry values highly educated, degree-holding, well-heeled college graduates like those that The Western™ will spew forth,” commented Sparxxx. “Program graduates with degrees, double-Ds, and/or oversize hands or feet will be able to write their own tickets!”

The Women’s Studies Program will offer a 12-credit, three-week, study abroad trip to California’s San Fernando Valley, WOMN 342: “Mindy Mountains and Other Natural Wonders of ‘Porn Valley’.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In This Issue:

Incentives Offered to Increase Cigarette, Alcohol Consumption . . . More >

Porn Studies Major Considered by Board of Regents . . .More>

Ask Gabibbo: The Big Red Tool Responds to Reader Letters . . .More>

Around Campus: Image of President Ransdell Spotted in Fresh Foods Cheese Pizza, Beans; Rabbit Sculpture Draws Ire of Local REligious Group; Teh Western to Add New "HAll of Fame" to Academic, Athletics Hall of Fame . . .More>

Outside WorldBarney Frank Solves U.S. Financial Crisis . . .More>

The Best Entries from Our "Name That Sculpture Contest . . .More>

 

 

The Big Red Tool had carnal relations with every Jonas brother. At the same time. Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com. Visit our blogs at http://bigredtool.blogspot.com and at http://riseoverrunmag.com

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