screw you

February 2009
Volume I, Issue VI

Back Issues

**Next Issue: March 15**



Announcing the Best Entries From Our “Name that Sculpture” Contest, In Which We Asked Our Readers to Name the Tall Red Sculpture Outside DUC:


  • “The Big Red Bottle Opener” via E., M., and others
  • “Abstract Sperm, Modified” via D.
  • “The Real Key to a College Degree” via J.
  • [Vulgarity Deleted] via R.
  • “The Ball-Bearer” via T.
  • [Unprintable Vulgarity] via G.R.
  •  “I Remember Mommy” via S.
  • “The Big Red Tool” Gabibbo
  • “Goat, More Goat!” via the AGR Fraternity

    Thanks to all the people who sent an entry. Some of the rest of you, whose entries we couldn’t print, need a psychological evaluation.










In This Issue:

Incentives Offered to Increase Cigarette, Alcohol Consumption . . . More >

Porn Studies Major Considered by Board of Regents . . .More>

Ask Gabibbo: The Big Red Tool Responds to Reader Letters . . .More>

Around Campus: Image of President Ransdell Spotted in Fresh Foods Cheese Pizza, Beans; Rabbit Sculpture Draws Ire of Local REligious Group; Teh Western to Add New "HAll of Fame" to Academic, Athletics Hall of Fame . . .More>

Outside WorldBarney Frank Solves U.S. Financial Crisis . . .More>

The Best Entries from Our "Name That Sculpture Contest . . .More>



The Big Red Tool had carnal relations with every Jonas brother. At the same time. Contact us at Visit our blogs at and at


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