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February 2009
Volume I, Issue VI

Back Issues

**Next Issue: March 15**

 

 

THE OUTSIDE WORLD

Barney Frank Solves US Financial Crisis


In a press conference, US House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank (D–MA) announced that the end of the American financial crisis is at hand.  Congressman Frank revealed that exiled Nigerian Prince Hamel Abakaliki has agreed to transfer 1.09 quadrillion Nigerian naira—the equivalent of 9 trillion U.S. dollars—to the United States once Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner emails his bank account number to the prince.  The transfer will eliminate the US national debt.

“I can see no downside to this,” commented Senator Mitch McConnell (R–KY).  “Finally the Democrats have done something smart.”

 

 

 

 

 

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In This Issue:

Incentives Offered to Increase Cigarette, Alcohol Consumption . . . More >

Porn Studies Major Considered by Board of Regents . . .More>

Ask Gabibbo: The Big Red Tool Responds to Reader Letters . . .More>

Around Campus: Image of President Ransdell Spotted in Fresh Foods Cheese Pizza, Beans; Rabbit Sculpture Draws Ire of Local REligious Group; Teh Western to Add New "HAll of Fame" to Academic, Athletics Hall of Fame . . .More>

Outside WorldBarney Frank Solves U.S. Financial Crisis . . .More>

The Best Entries from Our "Name That Sculpture Contest . . .More>

 

 

 

The Big Red Tool had carnal relations with every Jonas brother. At the same time. Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com. Visit our blogs at http://bigredtool.blogspot.com and at http://riseoverrunmag.com

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