screw you

February, 2010
Volume II, Issue 5

Back Issues



Major Changes in Store for Herald

At a surprise press conference Monday morning, Editor-in-Chief Andrew Robinson announced that the College Heights Herald will officially change its name to College Heights Illustrated.

"Go with the flow," Robinson said. "Hell, people only read the sports section, anyway. Am I right or am I right? High five!"

He continued, "Sports is really what The Western™ís spirit is all about. And, you can't 'lose' in the newspaper business...right?"

Format revisions for the "Illustrated" will include changing "Diversions" to "Cheerleaders and Dance Team," "Tops and Bottoms" to "Big Reds and Gabibbos," and "National News" to "The Courtney Lee Report." The "Police Report" will become "Linebacker Lineup."

The new "Illustrated" will also feature:

  • More sports in every crevice.
  • More Andrew Robinson sports stories.
  • Ken McDonald's column, "Technical Fouls and Other Drunken Adventures."
  • Guest opinion column by the President's dogs, entitled "Spirit and Topper Talk Sports."

Robinson noted that Wood Selig had agreed to write a column entitled "Balls for Bucks," but bailed at the last minute, and that a swimsuit issue is currently being planned.












No Goats Allowed!
AGR Fraternity Erects New Fence.

In This Issue:

The Western™ Denies Heath Care . . . More >

Major Changes for Herald . . . More >

Lost Freshman . . . More >

The Horoscope . . . More >

Farewell to "Wood" . . . More >

Strategery in Action . . . More >

The Olympic Dream . . . More >



The Big Red Tool doesn't think coach MacDonald will get fired. Until the end of the season.
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