screw you

Feb, 2011
Volume III, Issue 4

Back Issues

 

 

New Strategic Plan Unveiled

At a news conference in early January, President Ransdell issued The Western's™ new five-year strategic plan. Plan goals include:  

  • 29 percent more strategery in the 2011-12 budget year
  • Less tenure, greater snackability
  • Racing flames, shark mouth to be added to school logo
  • New student fee to be levied for construction of multimillion-dollar “The G-Spot” cocktail lounge in stadium, a mingling area for the Presdient and elite-level donors
  • Administration to hire at least 43 percent more Garys, Georges, Gordons, or other G-named males by 2016
  • More experiential, less learning
  • Synergy—to the extreme!
  “State budget cuts mean we will have to wait until after 2016 to schedule the construction of Ransdell Arena, the $6 million venue that will host The Western's planned Mixed Martial Arts Team and the 600-foot Hill Top O' The World Rotating Restaurant Tower,” explained budget officer Ann Mead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In This Issue:

Pet Hiring . . . More >

The Western™ Forensics . . . More >

Ransdell Hall. . . More >

New Strategic Plan . . . More >

Also In this Issue . . . More >

DUC Fee . . . More >

The "Strenuous Life" . . . More >

Athletic Conference . . . More >

Homeless Problem . . . More >

Defense Against Diversity . . . More >

 

The Big Red Tool Aint Buyin It
Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com
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