screw you

Feb, 2011
Volume III, Issue 4

Back Issues



The Western™ to Switch Athletic Conferences

 In a surprise move, Athletic Director Bjorn Björk today announced that The Western™ will create its own athletic conference, effective for the 2011-2012 season. “Our football team needs to be in a conference in which it can compete,” Björk explained.

The Western™ will create football programs at each of its satellite campuses, and possibly a team for the WKU School of Nursing. The new teams will play against each other in a conference to be called the “Western United Sports Schools.” The top two teams will meet in the “W.U.S.S. Bowl,” to be broadcast on January 1 across the Downtown area on Community Access in the coveted 6:15am time slot.

“With Community Access, not to mention possible WKYU-PBS television rights, we’ll be rolling in dough,” explained President Ransdell. “This’ll probably bring in even more cold, hard cash than the Navitas program!”

President Ransdell predicts that within “three or four years” the Main Campus team would be able to make it to “the big show.”  When reached for comment, Provost Angus G. Emslie said he'd like to root for WKU-Glasgow, although he promised to wait until Other Provost Baylis gives him permission. 

In response to the plan, the Board of Regents voted to rename the football stadium, the new parking structure, two statues, and a stray tennis ball in the bushes near the baseball field after President Ransdell.












In This Issue:

Pet Hiring . . . More >

The Western™ Forensics . . . More >

Ransdell Hall. . . More >

New Strategic Plan . . . More >

Also In this Issue . . . More >

DUC Fee . . . More >

The "Strenuous Life" . . . More >

Athletic Conference . . . More >

Homeless Problem . . . More >

Defense Against Diversity . . . More >


The Big Red Tool Aint Buyin It
Contact us at


Copyright © 2008-2010 The Big Red Tool
If you wish to cancel your subscription to this newsletter, please click here.