screw you

Feb, 2011
Volume III, Issue 4

Back Issues

 

 

City, The Western™ to Battle Homeless Problem

Citing the community’s severe and ever-growing homelessness problem, Bowling Green and The Western™ are forging ahead with an aggressive schedule of parking lot construction, despite the economic downturn.

“Homelessness is all around us, and it just tears at your heart,” remarked Doug Gorman, chair of the Warren County Downtown Economic Development Authority.  “Automobiles, half-ton turbo diesel pickups, and eight-cylinder SUVs just sitting around right in front of us, sleeping on the streets every day.  We have got to find homes for them.” 

The campus community and city residents are deeply moved by the moral imperatives of automobile homelessness.  “I know I feel a pang of guilt when I look at them, a roof over my head, while they languish on the curb with sun, rain, snow, and hail pelting them.  Pelting and pelting and pelting!” chanted Elizabethtown sophomore Erica Stevens.

“Look at the inequity!” asserted self-trained economist Johnson Black.  “Each night, homeless humans can be loaded into shelters with running water, heat, blankets, and food.  But what about homeless cars?!  Won’t someone PLEASE think of the cars?!”

“Block Twelve will the centerpiece of our efforts,” asserted Gorman.  “By clearing out impoverished, semi-homeless humans to make way for a structure to shelter homeless automobiles, we’re removing a deep stain on our community’s moral fabric.”

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In This Issue:

Pet Hiring . . . More >

The Western™ Forensics . . . More >

Ransdell Hall. . . More >

New Strategic Plan . . . More >

Also In this Issue . . . More >

DUC Fee . . . More >

The "Strenuous Life" . . . More >

Athletic Conference . . . More >

Homeless Problem . . . More >

Defense Against Diversity . . . More >

 

The Big Red Tool Aint Buyin It
Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com
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