screw you

January, 2010
Volume II, Issue 4

Back Issues




Pres. Ransdell Announces Graduation Changes

President Ransdell today announced a series of new graduation initiatives, culminating in a change in regalia. “We will, from here on out, have a distinctive, ‘The Western™’ look to our graduation regalia,” commented Ransdell.

The new look will include a traditional graduation gown, but the mortarboard will be replaced with a cupola.

“We think the cupola best represents what The Western™ is all about,” said Howard Bailey, sporting a shiny new cupola-codpiece that perfectly complimented his stylish bowtie.

The Department of Agriculture announced plans to grow a “test crop” of cupolas that will meet the sustainability goals of The Western™.


Cut a hole in your monitor, bring this coupon to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a hug from the staff. A grandmother-y hug. Not the other kind, you perv.

Coupon, stupid!

Reward Offered

I will pay $5 for information leading to the recovery of my Ed Hardy Snake Skull Jeans. Last seen prior to nude Jager-motivated streaking, Oct. 31st, wrapped crotch-first around Henry Hardin Cherry’s face, with skid marks in seat (don’t wear!).

Anyone with information on my pants should call my cell (270-555-TROW).














Smoke up
The Western™ grads show
off their new regalia.

In This Issue:

New Coach Introduced . . . More >

Jody Richards Receives . . . More >

Pres. Ransdell Announces . . . More >

Enegery Plan Unveiled . . . More >

The Rumor Mill/Around Campus . . . More >

Jersey Shore Nicknames . . . More >

New Catchphrase . . . More >

Smoke up
Graduation, 2009: Pope Ransdell Absolves Students of 4 - 8 Years of Sinning. “Go now, and leave your life of sin. Leave some money behind, too.”

Smoke up
The University Agriculture Experience department released a picture of the new crop of cupolas that will be used in various places around campus. “A Chicken in Every Pot, and a Cupola on Every Garage,” intoned President Ransdell.


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