screw you

January, 2010
Volume II, Issue 4

Back Issues




The Rumor Mill Contest

Read the rumors below, guess which one is not true, and win the Greener Groundz coupon below.

Got a rumor of your own? E-mail us and we’ll include it in the next contest.

  • President Ransdell promises free tuition to Army’s Golden Knight skydivers
  • New Gen Ed Plan to include football attendance credit
  • Health insurance reserve to be tapped to cover budget shortfalls
  • Head coach caught by police humping student in parking structure

Around Campus

  • SGA to Diversify in 2010: “Hope to recruit at least one democrat and a gay,” claims SGA officer.
  • Provost Finalists Measuring the Drapes for Provost Palace
  • New Admissions Formula: ATM Scores To Outweigh ACT Scores
  • Gabibbo’s Fine Is £727.50

Cut a hole in your monitor, bring this coupon to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a hug from the staff. A grandmother-y hug. Not the other kind, you perv.

Coupon, stupid!

Reward Offered

I will pay $5 for information leading to the recovery of my Ed Hardy Snake Skull Jeans. Last seen prior to nude Jager-motivated streaking, Oct. 31st, wrapped crotch-first around Henry Hardin Cherry’s face, with skid marks in seat (don’t wear!).

Anyone with information on my pants should call my cell (270-555-TROW).














Smoke up
The Western™ grads show
off their new regalia.

In This Issue:

New Coach Introduced . . . More >

Jody Richards Receives . . . More >

Pres. Ransdell Announces . . . More >

Enegery Plan Unveiled . . . More >

The Rumor Mill/Around Campus . . . More >

Jersey Shore Nicknames . . . More >

New Catchphrase . . . More >

Smoke up
Graduation, 2009: Pope Ransdell Absolves Students of 4 - 8 Years of Sinning. “Go now, and leave your life of sin. Leave some money behind, too.”

Smoke up
The University Agriculture Experience department released a picture of the new crop of cupolas that will be used in various places around campus. “A Chicken in Every Pot, and a Cupola on Every Garage,” intoned President Ransdell.


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