screw you

January, 2010
Volume II, Issue 4

Back Issues




“Jersey Shore”™ Nickname Generator

The Tool staff encourages you to enter your name into the “Jersey Shore” nickname generator. We’ve tested it on some willing and unwilling subjects.

  • Barbara Burch = “Vibe Time”
  • Gary Ransdell = “Tan Jovi”
  • Kevin Smiley = “The Sausage Party”
  • Wood Selig = “Natural Light”
  • Reagan Gilley = “Orange Juice”
  • Deborah Wilkins = “Pookie”
  • Big Red = “The Tan-ticle”
  • Kendrick Bryan = “Baby Walnuts”
  • Gabibbo = “G-Muscle”
  • “Dean with Two First Names” = “The Operation


Cut a hole in your monitor, bring this coupon to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a hug from the staff. A grandmother-y hug. Not the other kind, you perv.

Coupon, stupid!

Reward Offered

I will pay $5 for information leading to the recovery of my Ed Hardy Snake Skull Jeans. Last seen prior to nude Jager-motivated streaking, Oct. 31st, wrapped crotch-first around Henry Hardin Cherry’s face, with skid marks in seat (don’t wear!).

Anyone with information on my pants should call my cell (270-555-TROW).














Smoke up
The Western™ grads show
off their new regalia.

In This Issue:

New Coach Introduced . . . More >

Jody Richards Receives . . . More >

Pres. Ransdell Announces . . . More >

Enegery Plan Unveiled . . . More >

The Rumor Mill/Around Campus . . . More >

Jersey Shore Nicknames . . . More >

New Catchphrase . . . More >

Smoke up
Graduation, 2009: Pope Ransdell Absolves Students of 4 - 8 Years of Sinning. “Go now, and leave your life of sin. Leave some money behind, too.”

Smoke up
The University Agriculture Experience department released a picture of the new crop of cupolas that will be used in various places around campus. “A Chicken in Every Pot, and a Cupola on Every Garage,” intoned President Ransdell.


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