screw you

January, 2010
Volume II, Issue 4

Back Issues

 

 

 

Administration Unveils New Catchphrase for 2010

The Administration of The Western™ revealed the catchphrase they will be using incessantly during the upcoming year. With a pull of the cord, President Gary Ransdell dropped the banner unveiling the slogan "Money's All Spent."

Ransdell explained, "It's perfect -- it gives us an excuse for just about anything. Faculty and staff raises denied, again? Construction projects continuing and new ones being started? Can't afford basic office supplies for your department? Students wondering why they are paying so many mystery fees? Sorry, but 'Money's All Spent!' It doesn't really mean anything, but it conveys the message that you aren't getting any cash out of Wetherby and we're not going to bother explaining why. Plus, when Frankfort does cut our budget, it drives home the point that none of this is our fault."

To increase acceptance of the new catchphrase, Ransdell allocated emergency funds form the health insurance reserve fund to purchase and train an African Grey Parrot to perch on Deborah Wilkins' shoulder. Commented the parrot, "Money's all spent! Rawk! Money's all spent!"

Rejected phrases include:

  • Contingencies Are a Bitch
  • Outlook Not So Good
  • We Know What’s Best
  • My Sources Say No
  • Back To Your Office, Poindexter
  • Reply Hazy, Try Again
  • Synergistically Applying Critical Thinking Rubrics to Enhance Monetary Engagement to Heuristically Upswing Hermeneutic Tuition Engagement
  • Whatchoo Talkin’ About, Willis?

 


Cut a hole in your monitor, bring this coupon to Greener Groundz, mention Gabibbo, and get a hug from the staff. A grandmother-y hug. Not the other kind, you perv.

Coupon, stupid!

Reward Offered

I will pay $5 for information leading to the recovery of my Ed Hardy Snake Skull Jeans. Last seen prior to nude Jager-motivated streaking, Oct. 31st, wrapped crotch-first around Henry Hardin Cherry’s face, with skid marks in seat (don’t wear!).

Anyone with information on my pants should call my cell (270-555-TROW).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

blah

Smoke up
The Western™ grads show
off their new regalia.

In This Issue:

New Coach Introduced . . . More >

Jody Richards Receives . . . More >

Pres. Ransdell Announces . . . More >

Enegery Plan Unveiled . . . More >

The Rumor Mill/Around Campus . . . More >

Jersey Shore Nicknames . . . More >

New Catchphrase . . . More >

Smoke up
Graduation, 2009: Pope Ransdell Absolves Students of 4 - 8 Years of Sinning. “Go now, and leave your life of sin. Leave some money behind, too.”

Smoke up
The University Agriculture Experience department released a picture of the new crop of cupolas that will be used in various places around campus. “A Chicken in Every Pot, and a Cupola on Every Garage,” intoned President Ransdell.

 

The Big Red Tool wounds your heart with a monotonous languor.
Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com
. Visit our blog at http://riseoverrunmag.com.

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