Draft of Emslie & Baylis Announcement Posted to WikiLeaks
WikiLeaks has announced the release of an early draft of Gordon Emslie and Gordon Baylis’ March presentation to faculty and staff, originally scheduled for February. Sources in Wetherby believed that security issues delayed their announcement, which was rescheduled to “work out some kinks and punish the damnable cretins who dared reveal our plan.”
The script read, in part, as follows:
G. Baylis: . . . And lo, we shall rain down fire and devastation for nigh unto a thousand years, until every trace of the infidel is incinerated from the land of the living. Also, you people really have to start bringing in some grant money like real universities, or we will euthanize every third professor on campus, alphabetically in order of height. Gordon?
A. Emslie: Ha ha ha, good one, Gordon. But, to be serious for a moment, allow me to cite the ancient Scottish tome of Mickle Tattiebogle, which states “An ye cowp ma hurlie, a skelp anent tha lugs fa aw ya muckle gowks.” Loosely translated, that means we will fire every last one of you and burn down your houses if you don’t shut up about teaching and students and benefits, and start using your lousy third-rate degrees and fourth-rate brains to come up with research projects that will make this podunk vo-tech institution look like an actual university. Gordon?
G. Baylis: Right you are, Gordon. ARE YOU MAGGOTS PAYING ATTENTION?!
A full transcript of the forum can be found at: http://zombo.com/