Long-Haired Arab Hippie Arrested at Columbarium
Local police arrested a long-haired, bearded, Arab-looking man for loitering at the site of the new campus Columbarium.
A The Western™ spokes-person explained, “When approached by police, the subject attempted to touch and ‘bless’ the officers, who responded with baton work to the subject’s arms and torso.”
In his statement to police, the serene wanderer claimed to be a religious deity and a The Western™ alumnus returning to campus after a 2000-year absence to “bless the ground” for the new chapel and graveyard. “I guess he just got the homecoming date wrong!” laughed Lieutenant Mike Miciotto.
Police spokesman Brian Ward explained that authorities believe the homeless man to be an illegal immigrant, but don’t think that his identification papers substantiate the man’s claim to be from the country “Heaven.”
“He’s goin’ back to Arabiastan or wherever it is he’s actually from,” concluded Ward.