The investigative team at the Big Red Tool has uncovered several documents of interest to The Western™ community.
The first is an internal memo from Yevette Haskins ordering Gary Ransdell to replace the top-level administration with Gatton Academy “Experiential Learners.” According to Haskins these gifted 11th and 12th graders will formulate the annual budget, update sexual harassment guidelines, increase minority recruitment, and implement a Twitter-based Gen Ed coursework model.
“Pick any fifteen gifted Gatton Academy students, and they could easily do the job of someone like Curt, uhm Cody, er, no, um Celeste Cobane, over in Honors. Or whatever the hell his name is,” commented uber-Regent Haskins. CFO Ann Meade commented that “this will greatly simplify the bonus structure, since high school students are happy to work for medium cheese-and-anchovy pizzas.”
Each year the students evaluate faculty, faculty evaluate students, administrators evaluate faculty, and faculty evaluate administrators. Except President Ransdell.
He submits a self-evaluation to the Board of Regents. The crack Investigate Division of the Big Red Tool has obtained a copy of this years’ evaluation (shown below).
At the Board meeting Regent Larry Zielke made a motion to increase President Ransdell’s salary. “Just look at that! This man’s worth every penny, and more! We don’t want to lose him.”