screw you

May, 2010
Volume II, Issue 7

Back Issues



Potter Dean Tortures Paperboy to Uncover Identity of Tool Editors

At a Saturday press conference, The Dean With Two First Names™—no, the one in Potter—announced that he has uncovered the identity of a member of the Big Red Tool editorial board.

Acting on an anonymous tip, The Dean With Two First Names™ staked out the darkened halls of Academic Complex late one Thursday evening, waiting for a Tool agent provocateur to arrive.

The Dean With Two First Names™, his face darkened by camouflage paint, described the successful stakeout operation. “After braining that Tool pusher with my shillelagh, I dragged the limp, unconscious body back to FAC 200 for a little interrogation session. One whiff of the waterboard made the guy sing like a bird.”

The Dean With Two First Names™’ interrogation confirmed rumors that Joan Krenzin is the Editor-in-Chief of the Big Red Tool.

At press time, Krenzin white Ford Bronco SUV, driven by an accomplice, was leading police on a low-speed chase on south on I-65, hoping to lose police along the flooded corridor.

WBKO’s “Eye In The Sky” helicopter camera captured Krenzin, crouched in the Bronco’s back seat foot-well, pressing a sign reading, “Please, for God’s sake leave me alone” against the vehicle’s window. SWAT snipers have been called in.



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In This Issue:

New Provost Introduced . . . More >

The Western™ to Expand Benefits . . . More >

Outgoing Provost Finalizes . . . More >

Potter Dean Tortures . . . More >

Campus Happenings . . . More >

Big Red Tool Prohibited From . . . More >

Ransdell to Solve Nation's . . . More >

Inside this Edition . . . More >

Vampires Discovered . . . More >

Stop the Presses! . . . More >

Ask Gabby . . . More >

Free Coupon! . . . More >

Bonus Online-Only Feature . . . More >



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