Potter Dean Tortures Paperboy to Uncover Identity of Tool Editors
At a Saturday press conference, The Dean With Two First Names™—no, the one in Potter—announced that he has uncovered the identity of a member of the Big Red Tool editorial board.
Acting on an anonymous tip, The Dean With Two First Names™ staked out the darkened halls of Academic Complex late one Thursday evening, waiting for a Tool agent provocateur to arrive.
The Dean With Two First Names™, his face darkened by camouflage paint, described the successful stakeout operation. “After braining that Tool pusher with my shillelagh, I dragged the limp, unconscious body back to FAC 200 for a little interrogation session. One whiff of the waterboard made the guy sing like a bird.”
The Dean With Two First Names™’ interrogation confirmed rumors that Joan Krenzin is the Editor-in-Chief of the Big Red Tool.
At press time, Krenzin white Ford Bronco SUV, driven by an accomplice, was leading police on a low-speed chase on south on I-65, hoping to lose police along the flooded corridor.
WBKO’s “Eye In The Sky” helicopter camera captured Krenzin, crouched in the Bronco’s back seat foot-well, pressing a sign reading, “Please, for God’s sake leave me alone” against the vehicle’s window. SWAT snipers have been called in.