Also In This Issue:
p. 31: The Western™ Celebrates May Day by Granting Chinese Laborers at ICSET a Three-Minute Break from Soul-Crushing Toil.
p. 26: Campus Robins to be Renamed “Ransdales” to Honor New Emperor: Graduate students set to work gluing official school logos on birds’ red breast.
p. 666: The Western™ plans massive faculty and staff raises in wake of bin Laden death.
p. 333: Two particularly irksome Liberal Arts faculty rumored missing, buried in Giants’ stadium end zone.