screw you

Nov, 2010
Volume III, Issue 3

Back Issues

 

 

Students Gleefully Tax Their Parents

On Tuesday, the SGA voted unanimously to accept a new DUC Renovation Student Fee that The Western™ would have imposed even without SGA approval. “If students didn’t pay for it, then the University would have to foot the bill itself.  And that’s not really fair,” reasoned Ransdellian Tool and SGA President Colton Jessie.

“Sure, we’ve held huge protests against attempts to raise tuition. But this is different. We must live up to what is expected of student leadership at the 787th-best school in the nation,” asserted an unnamed SGA officer.  “That’s why we favor of adding more student fees to our bill. After all, we can’t expect our parents and tax dollars to pay for everything. And this is certainly no time for self-examination or retrenchment.”

“Good ol’ SGA, always good for a meaningless but useful rubber stamp of new fees,” chuckled President Ransdell at a press conference announcing Board of Regents’ passage of the new fee. “Um, is this mike on, Debbie?”

Other SGA members were more forthright. “My mom works the third shift at the Hardin County Cat Rendering Facility to send me here. So it’s not like I pay the bill,” commented SGA Vice Chancellor Benjamin Dover.

In a press release, President Ransdell praised the SGA’s resolve and vision.  “Without your parents’ and grandparents’ nest-eggs in our coffers, we wouldn’t be able to divert money from 787th-ranked academics to a 120th-ranked football,” he said. “From the bottom of my heart—thank you,” he chuckled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In This Issue:

The Western™ Ranks . . . More >

Students Tax Parents . . . More >

The Tool Celebrates Football . . . More >

Books Illegal on Campus . . . More >

The "Quantum Gordon" Theory. . . More >

BoR Will Not Rename University. . . More >

The Tool Clarifies Position . . . More >

In This Issue . . . More >

 

 

The Big Red Tool is 11-point Arial. Every time, sir.
Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com
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