Kentucky Assembly Declares Books Illegal
After intense lobbying by The Western™’s SGA, the Kentucky Assembly passed HB 226, which declares book sales on college campuses illegal.
Senate President David Williams asserted, “Books cost money—money students don't have after all they spend on beer, condoms, and building and athletics fees.”
Now-unemployed bookstore manager Shawna Cawthorn applauded the action, saying “Faculty are to blame for high textbook prices, because they assign books. And if this law helps us rid the campus of a those hangers-on, justice will have been served.”
“Ultimately, bookstore employees and eighteen-year-old students who’ve never taught a college course should be the final arbiters of how university-level instruction is delivered,” concluded Jesse Colton, The Western’s™ representative to the Kentucky CPE.
In other news, the SGA will consider a resolution that will ban any form of oral communication in The Western’s™ classrooms, as well as any kind of learning not specifically directed towards getting a job after graduation.