screw you

November, 2011
Volume IV, Issue 2

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Wilkins to Refocus Office of International Programs

Following the recent departure of Dr. Rick Sutton, who according to the official Wetherby account "mysteriously vanished in a puff of multicolored smoke," University Barrister Deborah Wilkins has stepped forward to temporarily fill the position of Executive Director of the Office of International Programs. Her first act was to rename the position All Powerful Grand Poobah of Foreigner Relations and Globular Reach.

Wilkins was the unanimous choice for the position due to her extensive foreign experience, which according to her resume includes four days in Pigeon Forge, TN, an unplanned overnight stay in Magoffin County, the Appalachian Survival elective at the DeVry College of Law, the Japanese Tea Garden at Epcot Center, and a childhood field trip to St. Louis, MO. Wilkins is also adept at communicating across boundaries, having mastered several regional dialects such as Cinncinnatese and Frankfortish.

As the supreme leader of The Western™'s internationalization efforts, Wilkins has outlined a bold new direction for her office, which will be renamed the Office of Un-American Activities and Cooperation with Red China Programs. In conjunction with the Confucius Institute, she intends to build a joint Study Away-Abroad Burley Tobacco Growing and Turfgrass Management program which will foster international cooperation by allowing Chinese and Kentucky students to work side-by-side harvesting tobacco and mowing lawns across the state. All other study abroad and international projects are to be canceled, since they are "mostly a waste of money," according to Poobah Wilkins.

Following the success of this initiative, Wilkins will use her burgeoning powers to establish the long-planned Bowling Green-Warren County Corvette Supercollider/SETI Radio Telescope on the The Western™ Farm. The Board of Regents, however, has asked The Poobah to suspend these plans for the moment, as they are concerned that she's "not really clear on what 'international' actually means." President Ransdell expressed his strong approval of Wilkins' plan, and announced that he would be changing the University's motto to "A Leading American University with Reach Around to China."

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Smoke up
An Occupy protester shakes his mummified bat to signal "strong approval" of something or other

In This Issue:

We Can Learn . . . More >

Occupy The Western . . . More >

Sexual Harassment . . . More >

Wilkins to Refocus . . . More >

What DWI? . . . More >

Regent Debate . . . More >

Retention Initiative . . . More >

 

For Sale:  Musty, used museum on local campus to highest bid.  Naming rights incl. (not too vulgar, please).  Incl. bonus room filled with junk gifted to small-town college president (no, not Confucius Institute). Must buy librarians and curators with building.

 

If you believe that, we've got an Ecolodge in Costa Rica we'd like to sell you.
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