screw you

October, 2009
Volume II, Issue 2

 

 

President Ransdell Works to Turn Crisis Into Opportunity

President Ransdell used the closing ceremony of Master Plan to address the so-called “Freshman Problem”—the lack of housing for incoming students.

“You’ve come to this great university, at a unique and transformative time in its history,” he began, as usual. He then snapped his fingers, and dispatched the Spirit Masters into the audience to pass out hard-hats.

“These hats are for when you want to walk on our beautiful campus. You’ll need ‘em. Each of you will find a shovel, spade, or hammer under your seat. Be a part of the change! I challenge you all to help build the prestige of The Western™.” After a pregnant pause he barked, “No, really, start digging. I’m not kidding.”

Students will gain credit-for-learning in Philosophy and Religion for hanging drywall in the Columbarium, in Recreation for performing asbestos removal in the old wing of the football stadium, and from the Economics Department for foundation work at the new Ayn Rand College of Business building.

 

 

 

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Smoke up
An “internal audit” reveals the funding source for Dean Kahler and Wood Selig’s raises.

In This Issue:

President Ransdell Works to Turn Crisis Into Opportunity . . . More >

College of Business Proposes New Gen Ed Language Requirement . . . More>

Neverending Losses for The Western™ Football Bring Rewards . . . More>

The Ten Commandments of The Western™ . . . More>

Around Campus . . . More>

The Outside World . . . More>

Horoscope, Dear Gabibbo . . . More>

Correction . . . More>

Smoke up
While shopping for Mickey Mouse ashtrays at Flealand artist Matt Tullis unearthed an early study of Grant Wood’s iconic “American Gothic.” Scholars of American art were astonished to discover that a youthful Barbara Burch and Jedediah Bodine Smiley, III, grandfather of the current SGA President, were the models for the classic painting.

 

The Big Red Tool is on a "listening" tour.
Contact us at thewestern.bigredtool@gmail.com
. Visit our blog at http://riseoverrunmag.com.

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