screw you

October, 2009
Volume II, Issue 2



Ten Commandments of The Western™

Anonymous Donor Endows Plaque Bearing Ten Commandments of the Western™
To Be Engraved in Apse of Columbarium

  1. Thou shalt not complete a degree in less than six years
  2. Thou shalt not steal thy floormate’s Wii
  3. Thou shall put no other gods before Gary
  4. Thou shalt not bear false witness unless thy neighbors callest the police
  5. Thou shalt not adulterate single-malt scotch
  6. Remember Thursday night and keep it holy
  7. Thou shalt not use the name of The Big Red Tool in vain
  8. Thou shalt not kill thy roommate unless he cast vomit upon thee
  9. Honor thy mother and father with a multitude of laundry
  10. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Brother’s Goat





Smoke up
An “internal audit” reveals the funding source for Dean Kahler and Wood Selig’s raises.

In This Issue:

President Ransdell Works to Turn Crisis Into Opportunity . . . More >

College of Business Proposes New Gen Ed Language Requirement . . . More>

Neverending Losses for The Western™ Football Bring Rewards . . . More>

The Ten Commandments of The Western™ . . . More>

Around Campus . . . More>

The Outside World . . . More>

Horoscope, Dear Gabibbo . . . More>

Correction . . . More>

Smoke up
While shopping for Mickey Mouse ashtrays at Flealand artist Matt Tullis unearthed an early study of Grant Wood’s iconic “American Gothic.” Scholars of American art were astonished to discover that a youthful Barbara Burch and Jedediah Bodine Smiley, III, grandfather of the current SGA President, were the models for the classic painting.


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