screw you

October, 2009
Volume II, Issue 2



The Outside World

Death Panel Releases First Victims List

Following an unexpected Fall Break compromise, the Democrat Death Panel released its first victims list, ending a long period of controversy. “We sought middle ground, and the death panel idea turned into a win-win for both parties, and for the American people,” explained President Obama.

Sen. Mitch McConnell’s (R-KY) pork-barrel prowess was again evidenced by the large number of earmarks he was able to slip into the first victims list. Those slated for death include Kentuckians Billy Ray Cyrus and George Clooney, the Kentucky ACLU Board of Directors, and Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY).





Smoke up
An “internal audit” reveals the funding source for Dean Kahler and Wood Selig’s raises.

In This Issue:

President Ransdell Works to Turn Crisis Into Opportunity . . . More >

College of Business Proposes New Gen Ed Language Requirement . . . More>

Neverending Losses for The Western™ Football Bring Rewards . . . More>

The Ten Commandments of The Western™ . . . More>

Around Campus . . . More>

The Outside World . . . More>

Horoscope, Dear Gabibbo . . . More>

Correction . . . More>

Smoke up
While shopping for Mickey Mouse ashtrays at Flealand artist Matt Tullis unearthed an early study of Grant Wood’s iconic “American Gothic.” Scholars of American art were astonished to discover that a youthful Barbara Burch and Jedediah Bodine Smiley, III, grandfather of the current SGA President, were the models for the classic painting.


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