screw you

Oct, 2010
Volume III, Issue 2

Back Issues



ISCET Lawsuit Win A Great Victory for Proslavery Activists

Last week, a Bowling Green jury found in favor of The Western™ in the wrongful termination suit filed by Dr. Junlian Zhang, a former employee at the ICSET laboratory. Local attorney Greg Stivers successfully argued that Dr. Zhang mainly spent her six months at ICSET playing tiddlywinks and drinking tea, and that her pregnancy was just part of a well-established pattern of bad career decisions.

When asked for reactions to the decision, Dr. Zhang’s former co-workers at ICSET responded, “Please don’t hit me! I’m working as fast as I can.” Another ran away, screaming “I’m not pregnant, please don’t talk to me,” while an 8 year-old girl cowered in the corner wailing “No, not the iron, please!”

Legal historian Patricia Minter explained, “Exploitation of Coolie slaves has been a part of America’s heritage for more than a century. This decision brings the master-slave relationship into the 21st century, while helping return the U.S. Constitution to its original intent.”

“Plus,” commented Dr. Wei-Ping Pan, “they’re only Chinese.”

The ruling allows the Institute for Combustion Science to return to its core mission of winning grants that allow it to round up Chinese laborers and set fire to them. “Thank God, ‘cause it’s gonna be a cold winter,” commented an unnamed source.

Barrister Wilkins, Attorney Stivers, and The Western™ next plan a series of legal actions challenging the 8-hour workday, child labor laws, and the right of free association—especially of people who oppose The Western™’s slavery initiatives.












Receptacle Tip
Guthrie Tower To Be Sheathed
In Reservoir Tip

In This Issue:

Pro-Slavery Victory . . . More >

Losingest Football Program . . . More >

Provost Emslie Collapses . . . More >

The Western™ Changes Metaphors . . . More >

Confucius Institute Courses . . . More >

Where Are They Now? . . . More >

New Provost Enables Laziness . . . More >



The Big Red Tool is shocked, simply shocked, to hear that Wood Selig is telling his new school that moving to FBS football costs $4 million up front. Expenses are nearly impossible to recoup, and that The Western™ is a good example of the perils of jumping to the big time. What a tool. Your thoughts?
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