screw you

Oct, 2010
Volume III, Issue 2

Back Issues



Top Reasons That Having the Losingest Football Program in the FBS is Not So Bad


  1. For once, team GPA is better than win record
  2. Nowhere to go but up
  3. Great strength of schedule
  4. Fans can chant “We’re #1” really loud, and then “20” in a really low voice
  5. Extra television time on “The Ocho”
  6. Team actually is more useful than a poopy-flavored lollipop
  7. The goat was probably on the bottom, too
  8. No chance of overshadowing the Chess Club
  9. Still not as boring as the 5th Test match between England and South Africa in 1939
  10. Any publicity is good publicity
  11. It keeps the season short so fans can focus on basketball
  12. No need to waste money on high salaries for coaches, like those successful programs are forced to do
  13. Income generated by getting asses kicked by powerhouse teams at away games offsets lack of ticket sales at home
  14. Opportunities for pool gamblers to guess date of first win by year
  15. Gives 3rd-string high school players hope that they could play for a real BCS team
  16. Easy to meet expectations of both fans and foes

Got others? Send yours to:











Receptacle Tip
Guthrie Tower To Be Sheathed
In Reservoir Tip

In This Issue:

Pro-Slavery Victory . . . More >

Losingest Football Program . . . More >

Provost Emslie Collapses . . . More >

The Western™ Changes Metaphors . . . More >

Confucius Institute Courses . . . More >

Where Are They Now? . . . More >

New Provost Enables Laziness . . . More >



The Big Red Tool is shocked, simply shocked, to hear that Wood Selig is telling his new school that moving to FBS football costs $4 million up front. Expenses are nearly impossible to recoup, and that The Western™ is a good example of the perils of jumping to the big time. What a tool. Your thoughts?
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