screw you

Oct, 2010
Volume III, Issue 2

Back Issues



Where Are They Now?óBarbara Burch

Few have seen the reclusive former Provost, Dr. Barbara Burch.  Rumors abound and have been collected by inquisitive Tool reporters:

  • At Bonnaroo 2010, Dr. Burch seen eating a chicken-habañero burrito at the “Way Wild Burrito Shack” near the Kanye West stage
  • She’s sitting at home on a throne made of gold bullion, the legs of which are carved from the bleached bones of combusted former ISCET laborers
  • Slurping high-grade gelato off the smooth, hairless, sushi-covered belly of a young Thai prostitute
  • Presented a paper at the Higher Education Super Bowl of Hermeneutical Studies Global Plenum Annual Conference:  “Hermeneutics of Codpiece Displays in Leadership Studies in Directional University Settings”
  • Area 51. ‘Nuf said
  • Standing in for Fidel Castro as chief marathon speechmaker, Havana, Cuba
  • Working the graveyard shift at the Ale-8-1 factory in an effort to rediscover her roots
  • Mastering Mantis Style Shaolin Kung-fu in the mountains of Tibet
  • Vacationing at “La Isla Bonita”













Receptacle Tip
Guthrie Tower To Be Sheathed
In Reservoir Tip

In This Issue:

Pro-Slavery Victory . . . More >

Losingest Football Program . . . More >

Provost Emslie Collapses . . . More >

The Western™ Changes Metaphors . . . More >

Confucius Institute Courses . . . More >

Where Are They Now? . . . More >

New Provost Enables Laziness . . . More >



The Big Red Tool is shocked, simply shocked, to hear that Wood Selig is telling his new school that moving to FBS football costs $4 million up front. Expenses are nearly impossible to recoup, and that The Western™ is a good example of the perils of jumping to the big time. What a tool. Your thoughts?
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