screw you

Sept, 2010
Volume III, Issue 1

Back Issues



New Provost Plans "Hearing Tour"
Unused "Listening Tour" Notes To Go Re-Unused

Following in the footsteps of his new spiritual mentor, Provost “Not Angus” G. Emslie announced that he will embark on a campus “hearing tour” this fall. 

“In this time of change and uncertainty it is crucial that academic faculty and staff offer face-to-face, vocal support for my yet-to-be-determined initiatives and policy revisions,” said Emslie. “Once I have endured faculty input, then I can devise the best way to go about implementing what I have already decided upon. Crivvens! So ah wull!”

Emslie's thorough, nine-minute debriefing with the President about last year's “Listening Tour” yielded a comprehensive “Hearing Tour” strategy for his time with the nameless peons who apparently teach classes at The Western™ when they could be doing research. Ransdell's list of things to think about while pretending to listen to faculty members droning on about salary raises include:

  • His airplane
  • Monkeys riding sheepdogs, that dream about sexy fish
  • Parking structures as far as the eye can see
  • A nice mushroom omelet, or perhaps moist scrambled eggs
  • Cupolas, more cupolas

Faculty reaction to the tour has been generally positive. “I'm really looking forward to his tenure,” commented Retta Poe. “There's a strong possibility that this guy won't totally suck.” 

Commented Nancy Rice, “Sure, he's got that dreamy accent that reminds me of an under-statured Sean Connery, but as they say 'I'll need to see if there's anything under that kilt before I commit'.”




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In Reservoir Tip

In This Issue:

New Provost Plans . . . More >

The Western™ Launches Initiative . . . More >

The Gordon & Gordon Show . . . More >

Internal Memo . . . More >

Ransdell's Halftime . . . More >

Sarah Palin's Alaska . . . More >

Weather Channel Cliffhanger . . . More >

Also In This Issue . . . More >

Bonus Online-Only Feature . . . More >



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