screw you

September, 2011
Volume IV, Issue 1

Back Issues



Athletic Leaders Outline Plans for Upcoming Football Season

 Hot on the heels of the successful debut of the football team’s new fashion-forward retro uniforms by noted designer Laura Planck, The Western™ does not plan to rest on its 2010 - 2011 athletic accolades.

Coach Willie Taggart plans to build on last year’s successes on the field. “The marching band’s rendition of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ was the best I’ve heard in Warren County since the classic Lost River-Cumberland Trace matchup. I’ve asked them to work up a spankin’ version of ‘Seven Nation Army’ for the West Virginia Tech game.”

“But hey, it’s not all about the band,” continued Roß Björk. “We’re rolling out some exciting things off the field as well. Our guys have been working with Concessions to improve the cheese-grating techniques for the nachos, and hope to introduce jalapeños into the mix. We’ve got an exciting program.”

“Depending on whether the Hill dogfood plant donor comes through, we’re planning to equip the stadium with strobe lights and mirrored balls in order to distract fans from the athletic carnage on the field and perhaps create new disco-related revenue streams,” mused Björk














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GAR Shows The Kids How It's Done

In This Issue:

Star Recruit Lost! . . . More >

Tyranny Thwarted!! . . . More >

Retention Rally Memo . . . More >

Journalism Scandal . . . More >

What's Allowed, What's Not . . . More >

Football Season . . . More >

News in Briefs . . . More >


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The Sport of Kings, the King of Sports


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